5 Keys to Social Alignment

What is an aligned social circle? When people ponder improving their social lives, what do they actually want?

For the past two weeks, I’ve been reading and taking detailed notes on feedback from some questions that I posed to my email list. I asked people to tell me about their social circles, including what’s working and what isn’t working for them — and especially how they would like to improve or upgrade their social lives and friendship circles.

I spent days pulling out patterns and compressing the key issues to figure out what people really want in this area of life. Eventually I condensed it down to 5 core upgrades that people want to make, and I’m happy to share this now.

1. Growth-oriented friends

• Enjoy dynamic relationships with people who actively seek growth opportunities.
• Co-invest in helping each other grow, and celebrate your gains together.
• Connect with people who care about you and who are willing and able to challenge you.
• Build intimacy with a growth-oriented primary partner.
• Embrace people who introduce you to fresh ideas and possibilities.
• Mastermind with your friends on creative and business projects.

The most obvious change that people want to see is more close friendships (and romantic relationships) with others who are very growth-oriented. They want friends who are taking action and at least trying to upgrade their lives. This was so important that some people said they’d still appreciate more growth-oriented friends even if the values alignment wasn’t perfect in other areas.

People expressed disappointment with social circles that are too static, inflexible, and complacent. While some stability is appreciated, many people crave more flow, movement, and dynamism in their friendship circles. Otherwise they feel like they’re being sucked down into a fixed mindset by osmosis.

Multiple people also said they don’t want to be surrounded by those who always agree with them. They want people to challenge them, not necessarily confrontationally, but with exposure to new ideas and new ways of thinking. People want to see more boldness and courage in their friends, and…